DEAR DR. LOTES: I admire your work and I have read your autobiography, "Lotes on Lotes" several times. While watching a football game recently I realized that perhaps professional athletes do not have enough incentive to win since they all make so much money either way. I was wondering do you think that the losing team should have to carry the winning team piggy back style off the field after each contest. This would go for any professional sport not just football. I feel this would give added pleasure to the winners and extra shame to the losers. What are you feeling? -- EDWARD

DEAR EDWARD: The mere fact that you are even mentioning “Lotes on Lotes”, never mind reading it more than once, puts you in the minority. Released in the late 1980’s by Side Alley Publishing, “Lotes on Lotes” was met with mixed reviews by literary critics. Before the book could build any steam, Side Alley’s owner and director, Missy Madison, was implicated in the infamous John DeLorean drug bust. Her assets were frozen and all unsold copies of my book were seized. They’re probably in a federal storage locker someplace.

As for your take on football, I agree with you. It seems that what drives athletes today has transformed from what it once was in year’s past. Free agency has sent contracts spiraling out of control and endorsement deals act as consolation for those who fail to win. The athlete is no longer a typical person playing for his or her city, but a celebrity seeking super human status. It seems that the athlete of today will chase this at the cost of the integrity of their sport and even their own health. I was unfortunate enough to catch the tail-end of Roger Clemens’ interview over the weekend.

After watching his steroid riddled, pumpkin head wince and twitch under the spotlight, I came to a realization. It’s not Roger Clemens’ fault he cheated and took performance enhancing drugs. It’s ours. For not holding baseball, or all professional sports, to the same standards we did everything else or for now, years and years after the fact, pretending that we didn’t know or we suddenly care. Anybody with half a brain isn’t shocked to learn that athletes are on drugs. Bitching and complaining about it now would be like me taking a crap on my carpet, letting it sit there for a couple of weeks, and then getting angry for having to clean it up. I miss the days when I could turn on my radio and television and watch sports news without hearing about steroids and HGH. It’s no longer news worthy. All news casters have to say is, “Today in baseball news, the shit shoveling fiasco continues…” and then they should move on. You’re on poop patrol baseball. You did it to yourself. Suck it up.

Should the winning team be carried out by the losers? Yes across the board, in all forms of competition, except in Sumo Wrestling. Maybe, in this case, the loser could drive the winner in a tractor or fork lift. Now that’s entertainment.