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Hey kiddies,

Sorry I haven’t weighed in for some time, but I’ve been insanely preoccupied with Call of Duty 4 on the Xbox 360. Those of you who’ve played it understand what it can do to you. Those of you who haven't played, well just enjoy my latest entry and feel free to jostle my most intimate of parts. Dr. Lotes has sent notice that he has some gems on the way. Your questions will be addressed in the order they were recieved.

Call of Duty 4. Got it.

The election is coming and it will soon be time for us to participate in Democracy, which was invented by guys who powdered their faces and wore strange wigs. My recent visit to "video game land" has left me feeling detached from the outside world and misinformed. So, what’s the best way to plug in and get some smarts? The newspaper.

I first turned to the New York Post (aka Fox on paper), but its front pages boasted pictures of Britney and other people I don’t care about. The New York Times had more words and fewer pictures, which means that smart people read it.

The Times just ran an article, titled “Focus of Detainee Trial Is Likely to Suit Bush”, about the 9/11 conspirators held at Guantanamo Bay. They’re being charged with the death penalty.

President Bush hasn’t hinted that he will back down from one of the most controversial decisions of his reign as our cartoon-esque figure head. “In an election year, that appears to be exactly where Mr. Bush wants the focus to be.” Maybe this issue will create a divide between voters and give simple minded citizens, such as myself, something to stand behind before pulling the lever in November.

The method of execution has yet to be determined. Recently, the military has used lethal injection. Anybody who is unfamiliar with the death penalty might want to check out the 1992, made for TV movie, Live! From Death Row, starring Bruce Davison, whom you may know from the X-Men movies and Harry and the Hendersons, the sitcom.

Davison gazes into the eyes of a young boy, as Harry looks on.

The Times reports that among the men being charged is the self proclaimed 9/11 mastermind Khalid Shaikh Mohammed. Other prisoners, unnamed in the article, are Shaidsa Moofasa, Madofoo Haufmanzata, Scooby Dooby Doo, Piuhf Kiresloppqwzxc, Michael Richards, and Ji-=)98*- 651^%$.

The article states that the Bush administration has “unfinished business” and will “sprint to the finish”. President Bush said, “…we’ve gone on the offense against these extremists. We’re staying on the offense and we will not relent until we bring them to justice.”

The Republicans responded.

“I wish they had as coherent a strategy for fighting the war on terror as they do for politicizing the war on terror.”

Skee-Lo has his own wishes:

I wish I was little bit taller

I wish I was a baller

I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her

I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a six four Impala

Some, like Human Rights lawyer Jennifer Daskal, believe that the trial of these men will bring focus to the cruelty of our government’s interrogation techniques. General Michael V. Hayden, the director of the Central Intelligence Agency, watched his legs and came clean about means in which information has been drawn from Jihadists. They used various methods, like waterboarding.

I myself am confused of how this would be effective. As a young child my father pulled us on his boat for hours on end and it was the most fun, as a straight man, I’ve ever had on my knees. Perhaps, this is an example of a cultural divide, one that, as a nation, we must embrace if we wish to survive and interbreed.

Me, as a youth, waterboarding with my father at the wheel. You can see me using the proper hand signals.

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